My Life as I Know it

Peoples lives can change in the blink of an eye. Sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worst. I know my life has changed so much since the first day I found out I would be a Mother. Being a Mother is something I have always hoped and dreamed for my whole life but have never found a partner that I could imagine full filling this dream with. That was until I met him. Strangely enough we have so much in common but yet we compliment each others personalities. I feel safe with him and know I and my future children will be not in good but great hands. I couldn't have picked a better partner and thank God that he has brought him into my life.

December 30Th
Today is the day we will hear the baby's heartbeat at 11 weeks. We are both very excited and it is hard for me to sleep the night prior. He came with me to my appointment as he always does and sits by my side being as supportive as he always has. Met our physician today as well. She seems nice, although wasn't as comfortable with her as I thought I'd be. I was given a physical exam and she said everything looked normal. Then went on to hear the heartbeat through a microphone of some sort. There was a lot of static....then there was my heartbeat.... more static.....and nothing. She said my uterus appeared tipped and she would send me downstairs to the hospital to get an Ultrasound. This didn't seem to worry him at all, but I think from a Mothers instinct I felt like something wasn't right.
Went downstairs for the Ultrasound, felt like forever passed until we were called in. The nurse applied the Jelly to my stomach and began searching. Searched, took pictures and for some reason she couldnt find the heartbeat. This is when I felt a strange pain throughout my body. When the doctor came in he said he looked at the pictures and there was no heartbeat. "I'm sorry, but it appears that you had a miscarriage" is all I heard. He talked some more about what had happened but I froze unable to move, speak, or want to believe this was happening.
I was 11 weeks along, my baby stopped breathing at 9. How do I live without blaming myself for something I might have done? Of course they say it is nothing that you did for this to happen, but how do they really know? I feel like I will live with this guilt for the rest of my life. I feel void/null/blank/empty/sad/devestated and in disbelief. Will this pain ever subside?