Safe but Unsure

So yesterday we had our 12 week appointment with the doctor. It was our first time meeting the doctor and he was very nice. We did a Pap and they checked my blood pressure. He said everything looked normal and that the babies are doing great so far. I asked if I would get an u/s and he said that we could because it had been two weeks since the last one. He said I would be full term at 36 weeks and my new due date is January 9th. I am also a candidate for pre-term labor so they want to monitor me very closely. Other than that, everything was positive news. The u/s was very brief and she just measured my cervix and said we were done. I asked if she could take measurements and let us listen to the heartbeat which she didn't seem thrilled about but did it anyways. The heartbeats looked great, they were both in the 165 range. The measurements were 5.9 cm and 5.1 cm. I just cannot believe how fast these little guys/girls are growing. When you see the pics you will probably be shocked just like I was!

When I got pregnant we decided that we will keep our pregnancy a secret at least until the 12 week point. Now that we are here he is feeling a little unsure about telling people just yet. I'm ready to share the news with the world (FINALLY) and he is wanting to now wait a few more weeks. I understand that he is scared that something might happen but he needs to be able to take a chance and trust in God that things will be okay. The doctor even told us that we are out of the m/c window and the chance of something happening at this point is very slim. With my track record, that was reassuring of him to tell us that. So do I wait until after my next u/s at 14 weeks to tell people like he wants or do I say screw it and tell everyone on my own? I'm so unsure right now. I have no idea what I should do. It just makes me sad that he doesn't want to share this news with our friends and family yet. I swear if it's not one thing it's another.....

A Little Backstory and Updates

We have always wanted to have our kids younger than older. Although the bumps in the road so far haven't helped very much. He will be 30 this October and I will be 26 in December. I feel like this is a great time in our lives though because we are stable, have careers, savings, house, land, and feel that having children is the next step. I am also feeling very secure about this pregnancy. It seems almost odd to feel this secure given my track record but I feel that everything is moving along so smoothly. My first m/c we found out at 11 weeks along on December 30th 2009. I had no m/c symptoms at all. I was still nauseous, tired and frequently urinating. We went in to hear the heartbeat for the first time at 11 weeks but they told us there was none and that the baby had stopped developing at 9 weeks along. I honestly don't remember much after that. I kind of blanked out and wasn't able to process what was going on. Then the crying started and didn't end for a very long time. I had a choice to get some meds and pass it naturally or to get a D&C but I chose the D&C because I wanted it over and done with. I was so tore up inside knowing that my baby was dead inside me. We didn't start trying again right away and didn't even start having sex again for over a month. I was so depressed and down. Then in March we found out we were expecting again but that time I knew something was wrong. I felt completely different than the first pregnancy from day 1. Then at 5-6 weeks pregnant I started bleeding lightly and then heavily like a period. I knew I m/c at that point. Even though everything I have went through I am still very optimistic that things will work out in the long run. I am so much more grateful for what God has given me and couldn't be happier right now.

We decided not to tell our family this weekend. Eric's sis-in-law is due in August so we were thinking that maybe we could share our secret then. Or whenever they notice my growing belly. We do want to tell them but I think Eric is more scared because he was the one who had to go back and re-tell people the first time about our m/c. I was in no state to talk to anyone at that time. The second one only a select few people know about.

Although it hasn't been much fun I have experienced morning sickness like I never have before. I have gotten sick a number of times which doesn't usually happen even when I'm sick. But I hear its a good sign that things are healthy with the baby! I might feel like crap sometimes but it will all be worth it in the end. I just cant wait to meet my little ones because it will be the happiest day of my life :) I am now 11 weeks along and am loving every day of being a mommy. Even though I haven't gotten to meet them yet.

Dear God, I cannot thank You enough. You have truly blessed myself and my family to give us such a miracle. I don't think You could have done a better job at making my life wonderful. You are amazing. Thank You, thank You, thank You. Amen

Week 9 and 10..... wow time really flies

Ok so I haven't been on in a while so I figured I would updated on the latest and greatest. We didn't get an 8 week u/s which was literally driving me nuts and just about had a panic attack before my 9 week u/s. All the worry and stress was unnecessary because everything looked great and the babies were right on track. The smaller one even caught up to the bigger one! Now both of the heartbeats are up to 171 bpm. There is still a little difference in the size of them both but I am thinking that's because its a boy and a girl. Hey a girl can dream cant she! The u/s was done at the High Risk facility and they said that nothing looked out of the ordinary. That's great news!! I feel like a million bucks right now and love every minute/second and day of being pregnant. This is why I think God put me on this planet was to be a mother. I really don't excel at any one thing and I think that hopefully parenting will be my talent.

Don't get me wrong I am super duper excited about having the twins. Who can complain about a 2 for 1 special hehe. And maybe since it happened this way we can have 3 children like I have always wanted. DF has been persistent about only having 2 kids, end of story. A few weeks ago I had bad anxiety about the twins though. Thoughts kept running through my mind like:
"Can we afford daycare for TWO infants?"
"Is it even worth me working?"
"How do I take care of two babies at once?"
"Is DF going to help with childcare?"
We have sat down and talked about this and decided that we cannot take this for anymore than a blessing. This is what we wanted; to be parents. We were double blessed and I don't think God would put us in a situation that we couldn't handle. I am so excited to tell my friends and family the great news but we definitely want to wait until after the 1st trimester. I cant believe in 2 weeks I will already be 3 months pregnant! Wow does time fly. I am hoping to only hear good news from here on out but am cautiously keeping my guard up. Only God knows my children's fate as well as my own. I am just so very excited and cannot wait to meet my little beans in about 5 months.

Dear God, the miracle that You have given me is never forgotten. You make up a huge part of my life and one day will also be a part of my children's. Please watch over them as they grow and continue to be on this Earth. I also want to pray for the other woman who I am close to that are ttc. The ttc process is not fun and I know it's easy to lose hope quickly. Please help my friends who have just recently gotten pregnant and also watch over their little beans. I am excited to share this pregnancy journey with each and every one of them. Thank You so much for the wonderful things in my life. Amen