A Little Backstory and Updates

We have always wanted to have our kids younger than older. Although the bumps in the road so far haven't helped very much. He will be 30 this October and I will be 26 in December. I feel like this is a great time in our lives though because we are stable, have careers, savings, house, land, and feel that having children is the next step. I am also feeling very secure about this pregnancy. It seems almost odd to feel this secure given my track record but I feel that everything is moving along so smoothly. My first m/c we found out at 11 weeks along on December 30th 2009. I had no m/c symptoms at all. I was still nauseous, tired and frequently urinating. We went in to hear the heartbeat for the first time at 11 weeks but they told us there was none and that the baby had stopped developing at 9 weeks along. I honestly don't remember much after that. I kind of blanked out and wasn't able to process what was going on. Then the crying started and didn't end for a very long time. I had a choice to get some meds and pass it naturally or to get a D&C but I chose the D&C because I wanted it over and done with. I was so tore up inside knowing that my baby was dead inside me. We didn't start trying again right away and didn't even start having sex again for over a month. I was so depressed and down. Then in March we found out we were expecting again but that time I knew something was wrong. I felt completely different than the first pregnancy from day 1. Then at 5-6 weeks pregnant I started bleeding lightly and then heavily like a period. I knew I m/c at that point. Even though everything I have went through I am still very optimistic that things will work out in the long run. I am so much more grateful for what God has given me and couldn't be happier right now.

We decided not to tell our family this weekend. Eric's sis-in-law is due in August so we were thinking that maybe we could share our secret then. Or whenever they notice my growing belly. We do want to tell them but I think Eric is more scared because he was the one who had to go back and re-tell people the first time about our m/c. I was in no state to talk to anyone at that time. The second one only a select few people know about.

Although it hasn't been much fun I have experienced morning sickness like I never have before. I have gotten sick a number of times which doesn't usually happen even when I'm sick. But I hear its a good sign that things are healthy with the baby! I might feel like crap sometimes but it will all be worth it in the end. I just cant wait to meet my little ones because it will be the happiest day of my life :) I am now 11 weeks along and am loving every day of being a mommy. Even though I haven't gotten to meet them yet.

Dear God, I cannot thank You enough. You have truly blessed myself and my family to give us such a miracle. I don't think You could have done a better job at making my life wonderful. You are amazing. Thank You, thank You, thank You. Amen