Half and Half

Back from vacation and feel well rested. Had a great time in the Riviera Maya and we got to do just about everything that we wanted to. The weather was gorgous and we got lucky as it never rained as they said it was supposed to. The all-inclusive resort was great and from here on I couldnt imagine doing anything but. We went on a few excursions which included an ATV trip through the jungle, zip-lines, canote and Tulum Ruins. The last day or so we were there we got a chance to go parasailing. It was a great time and provided much relaxation which was much needed.

So vacation was good but coming home was a disaster. Our flight was delayed two and a half hours, then when we got into Detroit the truck was dead. Even after all of that it seemed like nothing else could go wrong.

I found out over a week ago that I was pregnant again. We didnt want to get too excited about it until we heard the heartbeat this time so we didnt tell anyone. Good thing because I started bleeding on Sunday. I wasnt too worried at first but then on Monday it got very heavy. I went to the doctor that morning to get checked on because I was worried I was having another m/c. They took a blood test and sent me on my way saying they would call me back with the results. I waited until 3pm and called them to see if the results were in and the nurse had told me my HCG was as low as a 79. At 5 weeks along she said they should be over a 1000. Here we go again......

She said that it was confirmed that I was pregnant but with the bleeding and low HCG level it was more than likely that I will miscarry again. So now I am devastated. I have been pregnant two times and both had ended in m/c. The first was at 9 weeks and the second at 5. Is it getting worse? I feel like i'm not progressing at all and that i'm only going backwards. I am so depressed and all I want to do right now is sleep and cry. Why cant two young and healthy people have a child when there are people out there unfit to be parents and they have healthy babies? We would be great parents and I dont know why God is punishing us or whatever he is doing. We dont need time, we are ready. I am miserable and bitter right now. I just want my baby and dont care about anything else. When will things get better? I thought this year was supposed to be better?