That's not what I want to Hear

I went back to the doctor this morning and they gave me another blood test. They want to check to see whether or not my HCG levels are going up. The nurse that I talked to on the phone the other day said that if they go up from Monday's appointment that it is considered an abnormal pregnancy and I will be given an ultrasound. If the HCG levels go down then I had a m/c. I don't understand why there is a label and so many different types of m/c. Do the doctors do this because they think we need a label as to what happened? I didn't "lose" my babies, they were taken from me. It is out of our hands and there was nothing we could have done to change the outcome. And then there are the people who try and comfort you. Trust me; the last thing I want to hear is "Everything happens for a Reason". OK so if that is true than what good has come of this? What is the reason? And my personal favorite is "It just wasn't meant to be". So the woman who are crack addicts that have babies down dark ally ways; that was "meant to be"? Then there is the world around you who gives you no time to mourn. Nothing stops, and you don't slow down to give the loved ones lost the proper grieving. You just keep trying to make each day better than the last. It is so frustrating. I guess I am only venting and now probably rambling.

So I'm just waiting for a call from the doctor to find out if I m/c, when we all know that I have. It is strange but for some reason this time around I didn't have any pregnancy symptoms like I had last time. I had a weird feeling but didn't want to worry too much about it and put them off as anxiety. The nurse is planning on referring us to Genetic Counseling so they can perform tests to perhaps find out why I keep m/c'ing. It will bring us some peace I believe to know what happened and I pray there is something we can do to prevent this from happening again.